As many of you may know, I have been looking for a full time work. I love my work, but it is my ambition to be able to provide for myself and do more for my students.
Two days ago, I had an interview for one of the best districts in the state. I feel it went well and was told to expect a call either way as soon as yesterday. And so the wait began.
As someone with anxiety, my brain is always six steps ahead of right now and I had to be encouraged to accept the interview. And so a ton of fear began. What if I didn’t get? Am I horrible at my job? This horrible fear has been a huge part of my life the past couple days. And what if I do? And I suck at the job?
There’s also the eager anticipation. I stayed up late last night looking at apartments in the town where I’d work and imagining that life. Freedom. It would be a ton of hard work. But a huge sense of accomplishment.
Anticipation can be insanely difficult. But it can also be a gift. If you open yourself up to possibility, they will come to you.
No matter what happens, I will work to make the anticipation allow me to accept whatever happens move forward. Either way, the goal is to move forward with the excitement of anticipating the next wonderful thing to happen.
It is December currently. December is the season of anticipation of Christmas and whatever other holidays we may celebrate. I am excited to open gifts, but I am even more bursting with more excitement than is probably even healthy to give amazing gifts to my friends and family. Seeing the looks on people’s faces when they open their gifts is one of my favorite things. I’m more excited for the excitement itself than even Christmas. And that is what the fun part is, and where I should focus myself. It doesn’t matter what I get, I’ll still be thrilled. I should give my gifts and be happy with whatever comes to me. (Of course, this is easier said than done, but I’ll at least practice). It’s hard to live in fear of the future and not let it control you, definitely. It’s about the belief that whatever you deserve WILL come to you eventually, in some way if you continue to work for it. Until then, just live like you’re in the excitement up to Christmas.